I am really worried these days, as often, Anirud says that he wishes to go back in the past and relive or only be in the first 6 years of his life. He simply hates studies. The current education system of evaluating students based on how they perform in a test is causing a lot of stress and problems for both children and parents. It’s been there for a century or more and we were all products of the same institutions. I agree that this is not the perfect setting, however, I don’t see another alternative too for normal individuals like you and me. As a matter of fact, we make a conscious effort not to compare him with anyone so that he does not find himself belittled. The fundamental issue here is, in India, especially in the middle-class society, parents want their wards to excel so that they can get the best courses in college which is foundational for getting a good job, income and life. In addition, they also want their wards to do something which they could not accomplish. Just because they are able to provide for them, financially, economically, sociologically certain things which they were not privileged during their growing up days, they expect their children to be better than them. Nothing wrong about that, as it is a natural phenomenon. The moot question, however, is the child ready to scale up, just because everything has been provisioned. There is this fact called as “Capability or Capacity” of a child. A 2.0-liter car can run only at a certain speed and it cannot be compared with a 4.0-liter car with different specifications. We all know that, but when it comes to our children, we don’t want to accept or face that reality. We all want our children to be superstars. This expectation setting and comparison is a killer for both parents and children. Why am I emphasizing this again and again…it’s a mental trauma that once inflicted at a young age, will never fade away even when you grow up as an adult.
The reason for that is because of my own childhood where I was compared with my cousin who was a topper in studies from his schooling, college and professional courses. I followed his footsteps; however, I had my limitations when it comes to studying. I worked hard and cleared a professional examination too, however, with a bit of struggle. I am aware how debilitating it could be for a young child when they are compared with someone who is evidently better off in certain respects. As a child, you are fragile and it can affect you mentally in a very bad and negative way, if you don’t know how to manage the expectations. It can lower the self-esteem of the child and make them feel worthless. They would feel that they are not wanted and isolated, if they don’t belong to the top echelons. I keep reiterating the fact that everyone in this world is unique and everyone has a talent that’s inbuilt in them. It’s just that they need to discover it and make an effort to polish it before it is unleashed. The problem is, almost all of us, get trapped in the routines of life and we do not pursue our inherent talent or desire to do or become something or someone. Everything takes a certain amount of hard work, commitment and time. The truth of the matter is, we say we are always busy in our routines and do not have time for any of this. unfortunately, when we pursue what we actually want to do, it gives us immense joy and pleasure. As they say, do what you love and love what you do…you will never regret it even for a moment…. it’s really true. However, in order to follow your dream, you need to first get the basics right. You go through the existing rigmarole of fundamental education which is a prerequisite. There could be genuine exceptions, but even those would have spent countless hours, days, weeks, months and years in search of their visions. Taking my own example, I realized much later that I love to be on the creative side of work. However, as a profession, I chose Commerce and Accounting because I was bad at Math’s and Science. Not necessarily, I knew or loved Accounting. Another factor that contributed to my decision was my cousin who chose Accounting and like I said was my role model in the initial years. I always looked up to him and him as my mentor in chief. My Mom hated….hated maybe a strong word, perhaps you could say unhappy and disappointed with me for choosing Commerce and Accounting in lieu of Math’s and Science. From her perspective, during the fag end of 80’s Computers were picking up and I guess she wanted her sons to be Engineers and be successful. My elder brother chose to do Bachelor of Science from home and did not opt to go to college. He did some computer courses but ended up going into the Sales and Marketing line like my Dad. She definitely was not supportive of this idea at all. First disappointment for her as many or her colleagues (she was in Collegiate Education Department) children shined and did well in Engineering courses. She herself was a bright student in her schooling days but could not pursue further due to financial and other constraints. Therefore, she ended up working as a State Government employee and sacrificing her life for her parents and then husband and children. It was but natural for her to expect her children to do well at least and move forward or better in life. Next disappointment was me, when I choose Commerce and Accounting and I was relieved when I got 82% in my 12th Grade as opposed to 69% in my 10th Grade. That was some improvement. Then I enrolled for B. Com with D. G. Vaishnav college like my cousin who got 90% in his 12th Grade and was school topper. While he did his graduation in day college, all I could get was evening college due to marks and reservation-based limitations in college (which continue to exist even now). Along with B. Com, I pursued Professional Cost Accountancy course and I cleared my intermediate level after a couple of attempts. Only after I cleared my intermediate level, did my Mom recognize me worthy enough of something. Post college, I worked in between for a year as a Trainee as my Mom and Dad had retired by then. My cousin by then had completed his Chartered Accountancy and got an amazing job offer at Wipro. I was despondent since neither could I complete my Cost accountancy, nor could I get a good job. My uncle advised me to take up Chartered Accountancy and not worry about the financial conditions of my parents etc. Therefore, I joined the same Chartered Accountancy firm where my cousin studied and within a years’ time, I completed my Cost Accountancy course. Man, what a sigh of relief to be considered as a Pro finally. By the time I completed my 3 years of Article ship, I had completed my Intermediate level in Chartered Accountancy and also in Company Secretary course. And that was it….as far as my studies went…as I had to go for a job and earn a living not only for myself, but also for my parents. I will talk about the rest in detail as I wanted to give a brief (really…. you say that as brief…. what a joke) background of what I wanted to do and what I ended up doing. I would have either loved to be a professor of sorts or creating advertisements which would have utilized my other side of the brain. But it was not to be, because I ended up choosing something that would give me a safe harbor of financial passage for a stable life. Did I enjoy the outcome…? I am not going to answer that…. but did I give 100% effort into whatever I did…answer is yes. 100% or more in anything and everything I did….no compromise whatsoever as I always wanted to give my very best always. It does not matter, whether I like it or not.
My only suggestion to Anirud was this…. I don’t expect you to be a topper, nor am I going to push you to be a topper. My only ask of you is this…. whatever you do put your heart and soul into it and give it 100% of your efforts, nothing less. Forget about the outcome as it will automatically come based on what you have done. As Lord Krishna says, whatever you do, do with all your heart and don’t expect the results…you will get what you deserve. And if do it the right way….Lord will not fail you….My Dad says oft…outcome may be delayed but not denied….you will get it at the end of it….and I also remember what one of my Bosses said…you won’t be able to connect the dots now….but it will connect later on at some point in time and you will realize it then…so let it go and go on….you will face obstacles, hurdles and many other but if you are focused on your end goal…and enjoy the journey….you will never ever feel tired. You may even cross the goal post and be driving further away without realizing it…. because you will be creating new milestones one after another as life is a journey…. enjoy the process…. outcomes will happen in the course of time….
Beautiful Life 