are you behaving like this when you are near me….there is no love….I only see an angry and agitated face all the time and nothing else….when you are far away you write letters that oozes with love and passion…..where is all that gone….why is that not reflecting in your eyes….why does it only breathe fire and not affection. Why don’t your arms embrace me with tenderness. Where is that yearning you have expressed in your letters, your fondness for me.
Why am I so devoted to you even when you don’t reciprocate my love even if it’s a tiny bit. I still worship and have that soft spot for you, why am I still ardently in love with you. Why do I still revere you pay obeisance to you when you disregard me like a trash. These emotional outbursts are truly overpowering and will make you feel as if you have done the worst crime against humanity. Sometimes, you don’t even realize what is that you have done or not done to see and listen to all of this. Problem is….I am not a person who can express myself so evocatively when it comes to writing….it just disappears into oblivion when it comes to talking or expressing myself in speech form. Your heart wants to say something whereas your mouth ends up saying completely the reverse of it. And that is when the the tremor happens, ocean bed cracks open, tsunami arises and devours you completely. You are left stranded wondering….what just happened.
and she goes into that derelict mode where she is all by herself…no one to care for her. She feels forsaken, especially by the one she adores with all her heart. She feels dreary about her mental state and abandoned by the love of her life. She fights back her tears and cries internally, I won’t feel solitary, even if I am ignored and feel like a destitute. I would live on and continue to fight, win this war of love and hate….with this man whom I avidly and fiercely love….I will not let it go….just like that….washed away by my tears…I will convert them into a raging fire and I will cleanse him in that like Sita….I will purge him of his frailties and make him love me all over again.
ooofff…it was so emotionally draining even to write that stuff….I cannot even imagine going through and doing all that…and on a lighter vein….a snip from the old Tamil movie (Puthiya Paravai-1964) where the heroine says….no gopal….no….by Saroja Devi….
Beautiful Life 