What’s wrong with me

Typically in India, when the girl has to move into the household of the boy, they have to adjust a lot to the ways and means of the boy’s family. It starts with the house itself, whether big or small, finding your own space, where you belong and where you don’t (in some instances Kitchen belongs to the MIL and DIL has to play a supporting role) what time you wake up in the morning, whether coffee comes to the bed, table or you have to make it yourself and for others too!!!….Whether you eat breakfast or not and what kind of breakfast is prepared, what is to be prepared for lunch and dinner….eating habits differ from state to state, culture to culture and it is a difficult choice to adjust and adapt….whether you go to work (are you a career woman) or not, at least you have some escape route in the day, if you go to work where you can be free to do whatever you want in your own space….else if you are at home, you are under constant watch….what you can and cannot speak to your in laws….when your spouse returns from office in the evening or is it late in the night….who gets the choice to speak to him or her first….and the expectations at night….can vary depending upon mood swings, how your body mentally and physically reacts to the pulls and pressures it faced through the day…the list is literally endless. It can be absolutely nerve wrecking. When you go through so much of emotional strain and if your spouse does not give you that support in terms of understanding what’s going on through your mind…you not only feel angst but also depression. You feel abject that you don’t have a shoulder to lay your desolate head to rest and cry on. You feel despondent that you cannot express your outpourings to anyone, leave alone your spouse. You feel solitary even though you are surrounded by people. Yes, that’s right people who do not feel your own, family. It’s a forlorn and melancholic feeling deep inside that’s hurting you badly. The qualm and the misery of suffering lonely is something that will burn you inside and you just feel….that you don’t belong here anymore…